By Eleanor Beeslaar, HRI Graduate Assistant

When we experience rejection, it is easy to fall into a pattern of self-blame and criticism. We may question whether we did something wrong or think that it was our fault that we were rejected. This can lead to us criticising aspects of our personality, and engaging in negative self-talk that lowers our self-esteem and sense of self-efficacy. 

Remember, you did not experience rejection because there is something fundamentally wrong with you. Rejection occurs due to a multitude of factors, including life events, life stages, circumstance, and both people in the relationship. Though we know it can be challenging, we encourage you to try your best to refrain from self-blame and criticism! When you notice yourself engaging in negative self-talk, self-blame, or criticism, challenge it with positive self-talk. Instead of saying “It’s my fault that they left,” or “I’m not good enough,” try “Sometimes relationships end and that’s okay. It’s not my fault. Although this is hard, I will get through it. I am worthy of happiness and love.”

We know that challenging self-blame and criticism can be difficult, so be kind to yourself if you notice yourself slipping up. This process won’t happen overnight. Give yourself time to adjust and get into the habit of using positive self-talk to overcome negative thoughts and self-talk.

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